Burnout Isn't a Personal Failure. It's A SIGNAL WORTH LISTENING TO.
If you've ever hit a wall (the kind where even the things that used to energize you start to feel hollow), you've probably asked yourself some version of the same question: What is wrong with me?
Here's what I want you to consider: what if actually, nothing is wrong with you? What if instead… something important is trying to get your attention?
Burnout’s reputation is tough these days. We talk about it like it's a productivity issue; something to be managed with better sleep, a vacation, a stricter boundary around your inbox. Sometimes those things help, but in my work with high-achieving leaders and founders, I've seen something consistent beneath the exhaustion: burnout isn't usually about the mountain of work. It's about the misalignment that hides underneath it.
When you're burned out, your nervous system isn't just saying slow down. It's saying something here is off. Your inner leader self, the part that knows what you actually value, what kind of leader you want to be, what kind of life you're building, has been working overtime to get a word in. Finally, it’s found a way to make you stop and listen.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TIRED AND MISALIGNED
There's a version of tired that a long weekend can fix. You come back restored, re-energized, ready to go.
Then there's the version where you come back from the vacation and nothing has changed. The dread is still there. The weight of the work returns the moment you open your laptop. I’d offer that in reality, that's not tired. That's your values, your identity, and your sense of purpose knocking on the door. Perhaps the knock has gotten loud enough that you can't ignore it anymore.
I worked with a client not long ago who was convinced she could never go back to the tech industry. The burnout and anxiety she'd experienced had been that bad and that visceral. She'd left, taken a breath, and decided that tech itself was the problem.
What we discovered, over the course of our work together, was actually more nuanced than that. It wasn't tech. It was the version of herself she'd been forced to become inside of “tech”: reactive instead of strategic, executing without real influence, showing up to meetings where decisions had already been made without her. She hadn't burned out from the work. She'd burned out from the loss of her own voice. A facade of “impact” she had been promised and that was never delivered. An intention of granting her authority and purpose had dissolved quickly in a room of high ego male-dominant leaders.
Once she did the deeper work of rebuilding her confidence, reconnecting to her own leadership identity, and getting clear on what she needed in order to thrive, everything shifted. She actually went back to tech. She earned the six figure salary that afforded her comfortable lifestyle, and didn’t dread each day opening her computer. She was senior enough to have a real seat at the table. She was clear on her non-negotiables, grounded in who she was as a leader. She didn't just return, she returned as a bada$$ leader.
The industry hadn't changed. She had.
What Burnout Is Often Telling You
In my experience, burnout tends to cluster around a few core misalignments:
You've outgrown the role, but haven't given yourself permission to say so. What once challenged you now just exhausts you. The work no longer matches who you've become.
Your values and your environment are in conflict. You care deeply about integrity, collaboration, and impact, but the culture around you is rewarding something else entirely. That friction is costly, even when it's invisible.
You've been performing a version of yourself instead of actually being yourself. This one is subtle and common. I’ve experienced it for many years, firsthand. You show up, you deliver, you're capable, and somewhere along the way you started optimizing for what was expected rather than what was true. Over time, that performance costs you mental space, energy, time, and much more than most people realize.
Your identity is tied entirely to achievement. When your worth is contingent on output, there's no such thing as enough. The goalposts consistently and infinitely move. The pace accelerates. And eventually the engine runs dry, just like a Toyota Highlander after 300,000 miles.
Burnout as a Starting Point, Not an Ending
The reframe I offer my clients isn't just "burnout means you need to rest." It's "burnout means you need to get honest."
Honest about what's working and what isn't. About what you actually want, separate from what you've been taught to want. About the kind of leader, colleague, and person you want to be, and whether the life you're living is truly making space for that.
That kind of clarity doesn't come from a vacation. It comes from slowing down long enough to ask better questions. It comes from getting (back) in touch with your inner sense of Self.
You don't need to blow up your career to fix this. You don't need to make a reckless leap or start over from scratch. What you need is to dig underneath the exhaustion and understand what growing there. Because when you do, you don't just recover from burnout. You come back more grounded, more intentional, and more like yourself than you've been in years.
And that, in my experience, is where the real momentum begins.
READY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE SIGNAL IS TELLING YOU?
If this resonated, the next step is getting clear on what needs to change, not in a panic, but with intention. Download Design Your Next Chapter, a free framework for high-achieving women who are ready to move forward without burning everything down.
Nicole Kelley is an executive coach and former start-up operator who helps ambitious leaders design careers that are both successful and sustainable. If this resonated, you can learn more about working together at nicole-kelley.com.